AWW 5.01.2011: Lost in a Levada, or Ilha do Rosario circuit

“Great explorers are those who, like Captain Kirk, boldly go where no man has gone before.”

Phooey! Don´t you believe it. When they were leading the expeditions which made their names, most great explorers of the past have done exactly what I did this New Year Wednesday.They didn´t go blindly into unknown territories which, almost by definition, they had never seen before. You name them – Burton, Speke, Meriwether Lewis and William Clark, von Humboldt, Mungo Park, Hsuan Tsang (a.k.a Tripitaka), Laksamana Cheng Ho, Marco Polo, de Champlain, Emin Pasha, Livingstone – all did exactly what Allan Quartermain did when he set out in search of The Mountains of the Moon and King Solomon´s Mines – all did what Scott of the Antarctic, Amundsen and Fridjof Nansen couldn´t do but would have done if they could have, because there weren´t any around – guides, that is. They all engaged as guides people who had been there before. So, copying the aforesaid Allan Q., convening but not leading the walk, I engaged an Umslopogaas, in fact two Umslopogasses. Theirs is the praise, mea culpa est.

That being made clear, the expedition into the personally unknown lined up as follows:

Umslopogasses 1 and 2: IanS & Rod Frew.(hereinafter to be known as U1 and U2.)

Fearless explorers: Dina, Yves, Hilke, Hazel, Paul, Myriam, David, Ingrid, Bob, Alex, Chris, Antje, Maria, Peter, Terry A.

Mastiffs: Maddie, Tiggie, Alfie, Amos, Rusty, Rosie,Misty, Donar (making his debut).

Convener: JohnH.

The Starters (click to enlarge)

The Track

The Statistics

Distance: 7.9 kms.

Total time: 2 hrs. 30 mins.

The Report

Relatively well-disciplined, 18 plus 8 dogs assembled at Restaurante Mira-Rio in good time for the obligatory photo and a promptish start at 10.05 a.m.

U2 guided us in the right direction along the levada with views of the Rio Odelouca to our right. U1 then asserted his authority as lowland cicerone (either he doesn´t do mountains or he´s member of the Flat Earth fraternity) and led us smartly along to the outcrop where we could view the confluence (correct word?) of Rios Odelouca and Arade. There, with remarkable discipline, we managed a second group photo in which, as far as I can tell, all appear.

Keen to get us moving after this little interlude, U1 moved smartly along the levada at such a speed that I began to think the walk would be less than the tentative advertised three hours. But then we encountered two little lambs seemingly trapped down inside the levada itself. Men and dogs looked down on them with mixed feelings. The more philotherianic among us  pondered how to get them out. Minutes ticked by.

 TerryA plunged into the muddy bottom but, just in time, the owner lady appeared and, belying her years  nimbly went to their rescue and lifted them out. Mutual thanks, congratulations, seasonal expressions of goodwill all round, and everything seemed well as we moved off. But some of our dogs had a different take on the situation and, seeing the poor wee lambs now out in the open, decided that sheep dog trials were to be the sport of the day. Men scattered right and left along the path, dogs ditto, lady lamb owner distraught, even more minutes ticked by. Maria and TerryA, less sentimental than some, exchanged recommendations of resaurantes which served the tastiest borrego ensopado, and your convenor began to fear that his mea culpa for the walk might in fact include a bill for one or even two prematurely kaput lambikins.

“Senhor Joaõ, this could prove expensive!”

However, after a considerable interval, dogs were brought to heel, lambs were saved, order was restored, and U1 was able to reassert his authority and lead us to the Club Nautico where, although the bar was closed, he had managed to find the key to the ladies loo, of which due advantage was taken.

 

Who´s the odd one out?

Question: What are the EU regulations concerning this fruit?

We regrouped and taking stock of the situation, decided that this was indeed a walk on the Bonte BSC scale. Several banana photos were taken to make the point. As we moved on, Maria greeted an onlooker who assured us that if, in future, we were to pass that way, all we needed to do would be to telephone her and she would be there to open the Club´s bar for us…. a point to be recorded; did Maria get her number?.

By this stage, your convener began to notice that U2 was becoming increasingly anxious about U1´s headlong forward direction. Eventually, U2 called a halt in the vicinity of the Silves heavy water complex and suggested a back track and a hill climb. U1 demurred, “there be dragons” “man-eating kimodos” or some such excuses and headed off on his own plus Maddie along the flat. No, he does not do mountains.The day being yet young, the rest of us preferred to rely on U2 and backtracked (a goodly distance in fact) until an uphill path was identified and we climbed into the Mountain. Actually, the climb wasn´t too bad, no further bananas were needed and, up top, the onward tracks and indeed roads seemed inviting. However,it was at this stage that U2 confessed to me in his fluent isiZulu that “Inkosi, I have never ventured up here before but I have always wanted to have a look”.

So, having passed a large ruined farmhouse with a huge threshing floor, it became a matter of basic exploration: we could in fact see away to the north where we hoping to finish but we couldn´t yet see how to get there. We passed a modern monstrosity (GALP did I hear someone say? ). We turned back yet again ( David L remarking that the walk now had made more U-turns than the UK coalition government - cynical commentator, he) until some ancient blue paint markers were spotted indicating a possible downhilll exit.

We managed to climb down  through a gap in some terracing past a EDP post, which modest bit of scrambling enabled Paul to extend a helping hand to the ladies (such a gentleman), and thence downhill back to the levada and a comparatively uneventful stroll home, returning at 12.35 p.m. Truly a One Banana walk as advertised. If it hadn´t been for the two lost lambs it might have been one of the AWWs ´shortest walks ever.

To make up for that, post-walk refreshments were leisurely. Rod briefed us on the arrangements planned for our Patron Saint´s walk-cum-lunch on 19^th January (Do let Rod know of your intention to be there). Peter S was presented with a print of his Caption Competition picture. Ingrid collected the cash most effectively (Tina, please note).Dina admired Myriam´s boot soles.

Ian S entertained us a story from a newspaper obituary of a judge about an amorous encounter on an English local train (an encounter not involving the judge, it has to be said) from the days when every man wore a hat.. He could also have read from the same obituary another story, this time involving the judge in question but when he was much younger, in fact when he was a subaltern with the 2^nd King Edward VII´s Own Gurkha Rifles in India pre-Independence, which went like this ( and I do hope I spare your blushes) :

“On one occasion he saved his men from an angry mob by showing a presence of mind well in advance of his 21 years. Encountering a roadblock consisting of eight young virgins, dressed in white and lying in the path of his armoured vehicles, he ordered a good-looking young Gurkha to walk forward and drop his trousers.The virgins ran off screaming and the column moved on without a shot being fired.”

Eheu fugaces! Newspaper reporting in those days was so idealistic:the virgins were all “young” and the soldier was “good-looking”.

The last cars left Mira-Rio at 13.35 p.m.

 

(Here is the correct answer to the question asked above: the E U commissioners have no problem with straight bananas, it's the crooked ones they don't like so much, but they have never banned them. As Commission Regulation (EC) 2257/94 puts it, bananas must be "free from malformation or abnormal curvature". In the case of "Extra class" bananas, there is no wiggle room, but Class 1 bananas can have "slight defects of shape", and Class 2 bananas can have full-on "defects of shape". No attempt is made to define "abnormal curvature" in the case of bananas, which must lead to lots of arguments. Contrast the case of cucumbers (Commission Regulation (EEC) No 1677/88), where Class I and "Extra class" cucumbers are allowed a bend of 10mm per 10cm of length. Class II cucumbers can bend twice as much.)

And now for our closing music:

 

The Whiffenpoof Song